josie's "blog" (personal diary)
death grips actually makes such good music to exercise to. like this is corny as hell but idc. i was reading beware exmilitary lyrics and i was like man wtf am i doing with my life cus no one is gonna do any of the shit i want to dofor me. so i gotta do it. i swear to god im gonna make it better this month its gonna be fucking lit yall watch this shit. just watch me.
why should i pay for therapy when drawing kenny is FREE? HUH? EXPLAIN THAT?
im trying to update my css. this is probably the most ive coded in a while... feeling sillay
its been a while since i really like... idk. just felt fine? i had such a fun time today with my aunt and uncle, we went to a birthday party and then went to norman and ate at a pub and it was SOOO fun but im just back to feeling sad again. i went to the paseo yesterday and it was great until my dad rushed us home and then it just really felt terrible. i feel like i cant. fucking. have anything. its sad and i feel out of control all the time, its seriously bothering me.
ive been pushing myself to draw more and i want to really badly but i hate drawing because it just feels like im not good enough and i hate my art a lot sometimes it feels like i have no excuse and i just cant do anythign right. this all fucking sucks. this is more like a personal journal than a blog and i really dont care. im gonna keep telling myself that i dont care until it comes trye and ill lose all my negative emotions one day or ill learn to control them or something because im tired of being in the backseat of my own life you know? anyways. i think itll get better. im going to the downtown library tomorrow with anh and im going to get some work done. im very excited!!
but yeah its very hard to even describe how awful ive been feeling lately. i think the best way to desribe it is just wanting to do more with my art and not knowing how to at all just take that and apply it to every area of my life. boom. (shrug)
take this thing i made in frustration lol
i fuckin put my friend russell on coding >:)his website is here :3
im pretty sad but thats okay you know.... ill live... i hope everyone else has been doing good!! havin fun posting edits making drawings playing bandori.
ummmm... i know i say this every time but... i wish i could like... make more pages on my site urrg g>___< i WANT TO! so bad... hrrngngg
no like seriously you guys dont get it! i just wanna code! and make cool stuff! i just DONT know what to do... maybe ill do the thing ive been doing wid my art and ill just like... wing it :3. im having lots of fun on my death grips side but IDK what to put to make it ritzier. maybe ill find some extra pictures and do that cus thats fun!! and i wanna make a playlist and link it to the home page. and then i wanna put the album on their respective pages... hehe :3
erm something else i wanted to do was separate this page into 2 different things so maybe ill do some site maintenance? i want to but im also really busy this weekend. im always busy and it sucks! booo!!! but anyways, i think adding more pictures or making THEMES would be fun! what if i made this blog south park themed instead of venti themed? ;)
in any case i really have been struggling to keep my mental health good. ive been opening the window lately and... it really helps? i dont know. i love sleeping with it open and just sitting in my room with it open it feels really nice. i just sit on my bed and hug my plushies and draw or do whatever which is cool and all but i literally cant use my 600 dollar drawing tablet cus i have to do a bunch of work in order to move it between setups, but i also dont have the money to get a new cable? idk it sucks.
oh what if i made little characters in each post box that would be soooo cute!! or like maybe if i made this page like the stick of truth facebook page? @____@ cooooollll.... i hope i remember to do that.
its been nice to write again. i love coding and writing. ive been neglecting this blog and i KNOW nobody is reading it but like... i really really like writing in it. even though im talking to an empty room. its just kinda sweet you know?
i think im gonna remake my to-do list? probably.